Hold On
by Anika
Summary: A tragedy occurs to Dorothy and Quatre. Songfic to "Hold On" by Sarah Maclaughclin (?). WARNING: Tissue alert, 5/DC pairing.


Title: Hold On  
Author: Anika  
Disclaimers: Yes, as a matter of fact I do own both Gundam Wing and the song "Hold On." (And when I wake up from my delusions, you can all point and laugh at me!)  
Warning: This is a Deathfic...I think its my first one. I tell you know, I cried when I wrote this, so you'd better get the tissues. Mindless fluff, 5/DC pairing. I think its my first one of those, too. Sorry if it's OOC.  
  
~*~*  
  
Hold on  
Hold on to yourself  
For this is gonna hurt like hell  
  
  
  
~*~*  
  
Quatre held Dorothy tighter as he absorbed the news, sitting in the cold exam room of a local hospital. She was taking this so hard; he didn't know what to do for her, to ease her suffering.  
  
"Doctor, are you sure?"  
  
The older man nodded grimly.  
  
"I'm sorry, son. It is not opperable. The tumor is too imbedded in the brain tissue for it to be removed."  
  
The blonde Arabian held his trembling fiancé and silently cursed. Why did this have to happen now? He had just gotten his life back together, and then this...this tragedy had to occur.  
  
Dorothy peered up from Quatre's chest and whispered,  
  
"Can't it be treated by chemotherapy or anything?"  
  
Sadly, the doctor once again nodded.  
  
"Your fiancé could undergo chemo. But that would kill his brain cells as well as the cancer, leaving him utterly brain dead."  
  
"I see," she once again whispered. "So there is nothing anyone can do."  
  
"I'm sorry," the older man repeated, and then left them.   
  
The day had started out so like every other one since the wars had ended. Dorothy had been upstairs in the Winner mansion, when she heard one of the servants scream. Quickly, she ran out of the room, only to find Quatre lying unconscious at the door to the kitchen.  
  
"Miss Catalonia!" the main yelled, "He was talking to me, and then he just collapsed!"   
  
"Call an ambulance!" Dorothy yelled as she knelt by her lover's side. They had arrived at the hospital, and Quatre was taken into the emergency room. Dorothy waited for three hours before they let her go see him. And even then, she knew something was wrong.  
  
Dorothy was startled out of her reverie by the sound of the exam room opening and a nurse entering.  
  
"If you'll sign these papers, Mr. Winner, we can release you."  
  
  
~*~*  
  
Hold on  
Hold on to yourself  
You know that only time will tell  
  
~*~*  
  
When they arrived home, the servants were all in a frenzy, trying to cater to their "master", and keeping the paparazzi away.   
  
Dorothy and Quatre had a quiet dinner, and then headed for bed.   
  
"Quatre," she whispered in his arms that night, "Why did this have to happen to us? I mean, hasn't God punished us enough? First, we fought in that awful war against each other, and then the war between Maremaya. Why must we have to sacrifice?"  
  
"I don't know, Angel," he responded, "I just don't know."  
  
She nestled closer to him and fell asleep, a pert frown on her features, showing that she didn't like the situation she had been thrust into by a cruel fate. Quatre drank in her profile, her platinum hair spread acrossed the sheets of their king sized bed. The doctors told him he could live healthily for ten more years, if he was lucky. Lucky. He had been lucky so far, he only hoped it would hold out.  
  
~*~*  
  
What is it in me that refuses to believe  
That this is easier than the real thing  
  
~*~*  
  
The next morning, Dorothy awoke a little later than usual. She felt the sun warm her face and smiled. Then she remembered the events of yesterday and quickly sobered. She turned to Quatre, only to find him missing.  
  
"Quatre?" She called out. There was no answer.  
  
"Quatre, where are you?" Still, there was no answer to her call. She quickly got up and put her robe on. Exiting the room, she proceeded down the hall to the dinning room. No Quatre. She checked the library, the parlor, and the gardens, but still Quatre was nowhere to be found.   
  
Feeling like she was going to start to panic, Dorothy tore through the house, looking frantically for her fiancé. Suddenly, she ran headlong into a figure that was exiting the bathroom. Both of them hit the ground and somehow got entangled in each other.  
  
"Have you seen...QUATRE!!!! I'm so glad you're okay! I was so worried when I couldn't find you!"  
  
Quatre pulled her away from him and looked her in the eye.  
  
"Dorothy, I am not going anywhere for a very long time. Besides," he added with a small gleam in his eye, "You can't get rid of me that easily!"  
  
The blonde woman gave him a look that could have frozen Hell and pulled her up off the floor, then held her hand out to help him up.  
  
"I don't see how you can joke at a time like this."  
  
He grinned at her in response, but deep down, he knew why. He was using humor to cover the wound that he had been dealt. That trick he learned from Duo. Don't let anyone else know that you're suffering, and then you'll feel better. But he knew that wasn't going to help him when this thing got going.   
  
~*~*  
  
My love  
You know that you're my best friend  
You know I'd do anything for you  
  
~*~*  
  
Three Days Later  
  
"Dorothy," Quatre called. She poked her head out of the study and answered him.   
  
"In here!"  
  
He entered the room and took in his surroundings. It was rare that he ever set foot in this room. This is where Dorothy usually sat and worked. They were both diplomats, and worked in the huge mansion, which made things convenient for the both of them.   
  
He took in the ancient tomes and ledgers that she had scattered everywhere. The room was in absolute chaos, but she knew where everything was....  
  
"I need to talk to you," he said. Immediately, Dorothy put down the document she had been reading and met his gaze.  
  
"About what?"  
  
He sighed. "I know that this is going to hurt you. And I want you to understand that I love you with all of my heart."  
  
Dorothy's eyes grew wide as she listened to what he was saying.  
  
"And when I'm gone," he continued, "I don't want you to be sad. I want you to go and remarry and find happiness again. God knows you deserve it."  
  
Tears filled her eyes even as she struggled against them. Dorothy could only manage a nod of the head, in fear her voice would crack. She would be strong for Quatre, she would be strong...  
  
~*~*  
My love  
Let nothing come between us  
My love for you is strong and true  
  
~*~*  
  
He crossed the room and held her in his arms, sensing the inner turmoil she was going through.   
  
"I'm so sorry I'm putting you through this," he whispered into her hair. "Maybe it would be better if-"  
  
"No," she interrupted. "I'm staying here, right with you. You can't get rid of me that easily." Joking weakly, she pushed him away. "And I'll think about what you said. Really."  
  
He turned to leave the room, but turned when she called his name.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
But Dorothy only gave him a cryptic grin, the one she always seems to give him when she's thinking about something she only knows. He smiled, sighed, and departed the room.  
  
~*~*  
  
Am I in heaven here or am I...  
At the crossroads I am standing  
  
~*~*  
  
Three Weeks Later  
  
The mansion was full. Every one of their former friends had heard about Quatre's plight and rushed to be with him in this time of turmoil. Former colleagues, Senate members, and even the occasional Gundam Pilot would pop up somewhere. Now, they were in the middle of a party, at Quatre's insistence, and having the time of their lives.   
  
Dorothy loved being with everyone again, but the socialization was starting to take its toll on Quatre, she could tell. He was a bit paler, and thinner than usual. And he had trouble sleeping. The whole gang was in the middle of a lively game of Jenga, when he stood abruptly.  
  
"Excuse me," me muttered, and quickly walked out of the room. Everyone's gaze followed him as he departed, but Dorothy got up and went to follow him.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked. She found her fiancé in the bathroom splashing water on his face.   
  
"You don't think I can see, can you?" he accused, "You think I'm blind to their sympathetic smiles and their pitying glances! You're just like them! You're..." he trailed of when he realized just what he was saying.  
  
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I just...I don't know. I haven't been feeling very..."  
  
Before he could finish his sentence, Quatre collapsed onto the cool tile of the bathroom floor.  
  
"QUATRE!" Dorothy yelled, and then ran to cradle him in her arms. Over her shoulder she called, "Somebody call am ambulance!" And was strangely reminded of that fateful day three weeks ago.  
  
~*~*  
So now you're sleeping peaceful  
I lie awake and pray  
That you'll be strong tomorrow  
And we'll see another day  
And we will praise it  
I love the light that brings a smile across your face  
  
~*~*  
  
On the outside, Dorothy was a quiet calm, almost unfeeling. But on the inside she was screaming. She didn't know what she would do without Quatre. He had saved her, even before she knew she needed to be saved. She doubted he even knew he did it. But he did. He did. These thought ran through her mind as she sat in the waiting room of the same hospital. Relena had and arm wrapped around her, trying to comfort her. But it was no use. There was no drawing out of the inward girl.  
  
"Dorothy, if you would talk about it, you would feel better," Relena coaxed, after the fifth hour in the reception area.  
  
"You want me to talk?" she whispered in a monotone, "Fine. Quatre is going to die. And I have no idea what I'm going to do after he does. He is...he is the one person who understands me." The last part was barely heard. Relena nodded in sympathy.   
  
A tall, red haired man in a lab coat came into the waiting room then, and addressed them.  
  
"Are you Mr. Winner's fiancé?"  
  
The blonde nodded affirmative.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said, "There wasn't much we could do. He's in stable condition in critical care. But he is in a coma, and on a respirator."  
  
Dorothy felt her defenses beginning to crumble as she listened to the physician. There was no way...she couldn't lose him! She wouldn't allow it!  
  
"Can I see him?" She asked. The doctor nodded, and led her to his room. Relena stayed behind, giving her some privacy.  
  
The blonde walked through the door and saw Quatre lying on the small cot, wires and tubes placed strategically all over him, his face paler than ever. He looked like a child lying there, she realized. Then, she thought, we're only 19, not much more than children ourselves.  
  
She sat by him and took his hand, bringing it up to her face.  
  
"Please don't leave me Quatre," she begged, her voice hardly more than a faint whisper, "I don't think I can make it without you."  
  
Dorothy then leaned down on the bed so that her head was resting in his lap and cried herself to sleep.  
  
~*~*  
  
Oh god, if your out there won't you hear me  
I know that we've never talked before  
God, the man I love is leavin'  
Won't you take him when he comes to your door  
  
~*~*  
  
Late that night, she woke, the heart monitor beeping gently in her ears. Sitting up, Dorothy rolled her neck in an attempt to massage some of the qinks out. Then, she gazed at Quatre, taking in his paled features. The blondeness of his hair, the innocent expression he held even in unconscienceness. She reached out a hand to touch his cheek, and then retracted it when she felt how cold it was. Biting back the tears that were treating to fall, she swore to herself.  
  
"I told him I'd be strong," Dorothy muttered, "And here I am, bawling like a baby. What would he say if he knew."?  
  
Sighing, she put her head back down on the bed. She didn't know what to do, where to turn. Then she remembered something she used to do when she was little, when she still had faith. She would pray. But the war had decimated her image of a kind, loving God, and she quickly fell out of the faith. But, she thought, desperate times call for desperate measures.  
  
"God," she started, "If there really is a God. My love is dying. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. Please give me the power to be strong. He's coming into your arms now, God. Please let him in. He may have killed countless lives in the past, but he saved mine. I know that I haven't talked to you in a long time, and I'm sorry. Please, just let it be as painless as possible."  
  
She was roused out of her trance by a small movement on the bed. She glanced up and saw Quatre's eyes partly open and a small smile on his face.  
  
"Quatre, you're awake!" She cries jubilantly. His head lolled back against the pillows, but he fought for consciousness. He had to tell her...tell her before he left.  
  
He brought his hand up to her face and gazed lovingly into her eyes. She leaned into his touch and brought her hand up to his to caress it.  
  
"I love you," she whispered, the tears now flowing freely. He had come back, just to say good-bye. She knew that.  
  
His smile grew slightly, and he seemed so happy that she had finally said the words he had told her many times before. Nodding his head, he returned her statement the best he could. Then, his hand fell from her face and his body relaxed; he finally had the peace he so desired in life.  
  
~*~*  
  
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell  
At the crossroads I am standing  
  
Now you're sleeping peaceful  
I lie awake and pray  
That you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day  
And we will praise it  
I love the light that brings a smile  
  
~*~*  
  
Dorothy stood at the edge of the freshly dug grave. She had visited every day for the last week. It turned out that Quatre had left his fortune to her, so she had no need for money. And his sisters were all very sympathetic towards her. But it wasn't the same. And it never would be. Because he wasn't there.   
  
She already missed the way he could cheer her up out of any rage she might be in. She missed his smiles and his laughs. But most of all, she missed his tears. Quatre was the only person she ever allowed to see her cry. And now that he was gone, what? What was she supposed to do?   
  
"I don't want you to be sad," his voice rang through her mind. She smiled a small smile. He never did think of himself, she thought, even at the end. He hand flitted down towards her abdomen unconsciencly. She had been told that she was pregnant three days ago. With his child. It was a small comfort, but a comfort just the same.   
  
Kneeling down, she put the rosary beads she held in her hand down on the freshly turned dirt.  
  
"Good bye, Quatre. I love you."  
  
It was simple and crude, but her good bye to him was everything that she knew she felt. Good-bye. I love you. Nothing else needed to be said.  
  
~*~*  
  
Now you're sleeping peaceful  
I lie awake and pray  
That you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day  
And we will praise it  
I love the light that brings a smile across your face  
  
~*~*  
  
Dorothy awoke the next morning and stretched out in the oversized bed. She couldn't bring herself to leave it. Not yet. As she was stretching, she felt something brush up against her hand. Alarmed, she looked over and saw the rosary beads that she had left at Quatre's grave the day before, the stains of earth still upon them. She dangled them from thumb and forefinger to examine them. Then she grinned and held them close.   
  
~*~*  
  
Hold on   
Hold on to yourself  
For this is gonna hurt like hell  
  
~*~*  
  
Owari  



End file.
